Sun Behind the Clouds
by HollyShannenForever
Summary: Extremely AU, angsty Haleb; Hanna's life has been a nightmare, one ordeal after another, until she finds a young man in the same boat as she. Caleb has his own issues, but misery loves company. Dark secrets & betrayals threaten to separate the pair but love prevails. A exists and Alison's alive.
1. All for Nothing

**Thank you for beta'ing, xxdare2dreamxx1! Happy Haleb day, 11/05!**

There was a time when I was completely happy, even when my mom was in jail and Alison DiLaurentis was torturing my three best friends. It took us a year to recover. Now age twenty-three, I'm the closest I'd ever been with the girls who were also friends with Alison-Aria Montgomery, Emily Fields, and Spencer Hastings. When they were sixteen, they uncovered thousands of secrets about each other that only Alison knew. My ex best friend, Mona Vanderwaal, turned out to be a total bitch, texting me horrible and creepy messages from a blocked number, and signing the texts as "A" when I was seventeen. Not to mention, she raped a guy. She was finally caught and thrown off a cliff. When she was sent to the Radley Sanitarium for good, she never talked to me again.

During all this, I'm experiencing my first real romantic relationship-I don't really count Sean Ackard, since he never actually loved me. There's another guy after Sean, and his name's Caleb Rivers.

I love Caleb to the ends of the earth, and as I rock our perfect daughter in my special chair, I let some tears out. My baby, Holly, named after Holly Golightly, had been conceived on November fifth and born just four years ago. Our little girl has my blonde hair and Caleb's brown eyes.

"I wish you could have met your daddy...you would have loved him..."

A soft knock comes at the door and I wipe my eyes. "Come in."

"Can I see my granddaughter? This little one wants her mommy. Trade?" my mother asks.

I nod. Mom sets Holly's sister, Ashley down so the little dark haired girl could jump in my lap. Ashley's father isn't Caleb, though. I swallow hard while I squeeze my daughter close to my chest and bite back yet another sob.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

Mom gives us privacy and goes into the kitchen to feed Holly.

"I made cupcakes with Grandma. Want some?"

"Oh...oh, no that's okay. I'm not really hungry."

I'm never very hungry, or sleepy. I can feel the energy draining out of my body. I only eat when my mom force-feeds me, or when my friends take me out for girls' nights and they agree to not talk about their significant others around me. I'm happy for them, but I just wish I had my lover here, with me, holding me protectively in his arms, telling me everything would be all right, even when it didn't seem so.

How could my love life get so messed up? How can it be that Aria had dated her ex-teacher, Mr. Ezra Fitz before they broke up, without being shunned forever by her parents? How can Emily be happy while dating different girls whenever her relationship with Paige McCullers seems like it's going downhill? How can Spencer handle going back and forth between Toby Cavanaugh and Wren Kingston? How can they be in love so easily?

It just isn't fair.

I'd been going to see my therapist, Anne Sullivan, for a long time now since the incident. My mom drives me to Anne's office since I don't feel like driving anymore. A bit after the incident, I tried to kill myself with a knife, but my friends saved me from myself just in time. They told me I needed to get help. Luckily, Mom's best friends with Ella Montgomery, who has Ms. Sullivan's number because her son has depression issues. Ella's the sweetest woman ever, and she's suffered heartbreak of her own. I go to see Anne every night when I'm not hanging out with my friends or taking care of my daughters. The first time I went, it was when my mom had a date with Pastor Ted. I don't want to see people kissing at all.

I think back to my first meeting with Anne.

_"Mom, I swear, I won't do it again!" I protest while walking alongside her._

_"Sweetheart, you need this, okay? Now, Anne is a very kind and understanding woman, and she will help you. I know you're hurting. I can't be home all the time because of my job, and your friends can't live at your house, since they're about to go to college. I won't let you try to stab yourself again! I love you too much."_

_I sigh. My mom is right. She knocks on the door that had Anne's name written on it, and a few seconds later, a woman with short brown hair and a smile on her face, opens the door. She's dressed in jeans and a red top. Her Chloes are shoes I can only dream of owning. Anne is also as tall as my best friend Emily. The thought makes me grin._

_"Hi, I'm Anne. You're Hanna, I'm assuming?"_

_I shake Anne's hand. "Yeah. This is my mom."_

_"Ashley." The women shake hands and I go inside the room after hugging my mom goodbye._

_"So, you can sit in that couch," are Anne's first directions._

_I nod and plop myself down on the comfy brown sofa. I lean back on one of the pillows and put my feet up on the ottoman. As Anne sits down in the chair across from her client, me, I study my purple fingernails._

_"Can you tell me why such a beautiful young woman such as yourself would attempt suicide?"_

_"Because I'm fucked up. I had a boyfriend and we were so in love...and well, good things can't last forever, Anne," I say with a sad smile. "He-he's been in a coma for five years now."_

_"Oh, my..." Anne looks at me with concern. "Would you mind telling me what happened?"_

_I take a slow, deep breath. "He saved my life."_

**FIVE YEARS EARLIER**

It's Thursday night and it's raining hard. I'm wearing my ratty old _Rosewood High _gym sweats that I've had for years and a pale pink t-shirt that says _Not It! _across the front. All I have to keep me warm is a black sweatshirt and it's not even mine. I stole it because I'm freezing. I curl up and hug my bag against my chest as I lay down on the wet bus station bench. There's an overhang, but it ain't doing much. I ain't gonna get much sleep tonight. I feel someone try to touch me, so I kick them.

"Can't a girl get some rest?" I shout angrily. There's no response, so I open my eyes. A man is rubbing his jaw in pain. "That's what you get for being a pervert."

"I just wanted some company, I'm lonely!" he complains. "I haven't seen a real lady in years!"

"Gee, I wonder why," I respond sarcastically.

Thankfully, a bus comes and picks him up. I'm hoping it's the last bus of the night. I don't get on, because I'm broke. All that I own is a ponytail holder that's around my wrist, an old phone, a few outfits, my schoolbooks, my calculator and a pencil and a sheet of paper. I don't have a credit card to my name because I don't know how to get one, and I haven't worked since the summer, so all my cash is used up. I got nothing.

I ain't too hungry because I just had dinner...I'd probably steal something at school tomorrow morning for breakfast and lunch, or I'd share with someone.

I run my hands through my matted hair and close my eyes again.

_There's someone hurting me. There's bangs and shouts. There's cars coming with sirens. There's men taking Mama __away. "__You can't take me away from my daughter!" she screams as the mean people lock her wrists together with silver chain things. "Hanna!" she cries out to me. "Sweetie, it'll be okay, Mommy will be back soon!"_

_"Mama! Mama, where you goin'?" I so desperately wanna know._

_"__Take care of my baby!" she shouts at someone, and I'm sitting on my bed, rocking back and forth._

I jump out of my nightmare, and I realize all of a sudden, that I'm all shaken up. I'm in a cold sweat, and I blink back some tears. "Try to go back to sleep, Hanna," I say to myself.

It's uncomfortable sleeping on a hard bench, and I'm sure the concrete isn't any better. I toss and turn all night long, and I can hardly wait to see how I look now that it's morning. The sun wakes me up and I can't keep my eyes closed no more. The rain has stopped, all there are now, are puddles all over the ground. I stretch and yawn. Every single muscle in my body aches, so I get up and walk to school. Of course, the school is closed, since it's before seven. I'm so tired and bored, waiting for school to start. I lazily wrap myself around a pole and then slide down it, as if I'm putting on some show for an imaginary audience. I love dancing, since it makes me feel beautiful. I stand up again and roll my head around. I strike a pose. "Thank you," I whisper to my fake crowd. I blow kisses, and then I pause, since someone across the street is staring at me. This lady probably thinks I'm out of my mind. Well, being homeless makes people crazy.

Finally, the library opens, and I rush into the bathroom to check my reflection. I have this ugly red imprint of the bench on my cheek, so I try to rub it out with my hand, which doesn't work. Maybe I could ask one of the girls to borrow her concealer. My hair is all tangled, so I brush through it with my fingers until it looks presentable. I put it up into a bun and then walk into the library. It's warm, and I'm grateful. I sit down and pull out my essay.

_It all started when I was just a little girl. I don't remember how old...but I was as small as a low table. I dunno what I done to make my mama get in prison. All they told me was she broke the law and she had to go away. I was cryin' a lot that day, I remember. I was bangin' on the door, kickin' at it with my feet, yellin' for my mama to come back, but she never did. People hurt me after that...I was lonely, missin' my mama, and all, and I kept wakin' the other youngins cuz I cried til late in the night. That's when I got the beatin'...night after night...then I ran away from that awful place...they call it a foster home. I went in the next foster home and nobody paid me any attention. They gave me too much food and I got so big and heavy that this one girl called me hefty. Well, she was right, I guess...but I hated being so fat and ugly. That was the last time I stayed in the foster home. Ain't no home to me if everybody's gon' go around sayin' mean things to me. Nasty people they are! Fuckin' Alison and her stupid ass perfect body! I'll never be pretty like her..._

"Hanna, I'm sorry, but this is the most poorly written essay I've ever seen. No wonder you're in the special day class!"

I turn around to face my only friend in school, Mona. We're in what they call junior year and I asked her to tutor me. I wanna get smarter so I can graduate come senior year.

"Still makes you emotional, though, don't it?"

"_Doesn't_, Han...it's _doesn't_...not don't."

I roll my eyes. I know Mona's trying to help, but we've been at this all day. "Okay, whatever. _Doesn't_ it make you emotional?"

"Yeah...but if you used proper grammar, it wouldn't make people's eyes blur. Also, you can't swear in a high school essay...in any essay in fact."

"That's bullshit," I say. "I wanna make Mrs. Montgomery cry!"

"Yeah, I know, but...bad language is inappropriate in writing."

"Should I start all this over?"

"If you want to stay in the class I'm in, yes."

"Gotta go to the library again," I grumble.

Mona looks at me sympathetically. "I wish my mom and I could take you in...but she's barely able to support herself, let alone me. I'm sorry."

"It's okay...I should've not ran away..."

"I get why you did...I couldn't imagine living with Alison! Her taunting me in school was bad enough!"

"I'm sick of the foster system...so I'm just gonna have to find some permanent job so I can buy my ol' house back," I say out of the blue. "The Brew was just a summer job."

"In the meantime, though, where would you live?"

"I would stay with Sean if he hadn't dumped me..."

Mrs. Montgomery is a new teacher, and probably the best one I have in this whole school. She also monitors detention and last year, she helped out in my special day classes, like as an aide. She's patient and understanding...always willing to lend a hand, as the saying goes. I'm lucky to be in her class this year, and I wanna succeed. She's also got this big rock on her ring finger, it's kinda distracting cuz it glitters in the light. Sometimes, I'm tempted to steal it to make lotsa money, but the angel on my shoulder tells me we don't take things from good people. I shoplift from malls with Mona, but that's another story. Mrs. Montgomery is more important than a big company. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings, steal that shit, is my motto. Anyways, she's engaged. Her wedding's tonight. Everybody's talking about it...Rosewood's a small town, so word gets around easily. Plus, her kids, Aria and Mike, are really popular.

I gasp as an idea flies into my head. "Hey...I could work the wedding! Ain't gone to one of those before..."

"Oh yeah, you could serve food and stuff...you could offer to do that!"

I smile, but nerves are still settling in the pit of my stomach. What if Mrs. M pities me? I'll just try not to look desperate...or homeless.

When Mona and me walk into class, everyone stares because they're still not used to our makeovers. We're sexy now, but it's only been a week. I've changed the most, because Mona just had to ditch her glasses for contacts and wear more fashionable clothes. Alison helped her, she says. I had to go to five summers of fat camp and throw up all the food I ate, under Alison's strict instructions of how to get skinny fast. I worked harder than Mona...at least she already had the hot figure. She just needed to show it off. Now, we could've done that with each other if that damn bitch hadn't intervened.

We take our seats near the front. I wanna show Mrs. M that I'm trying to be a good student. Her daughter sits way in the back, probably cuz she's embarrassed to be in a class where her mama teaches. It's weird seeing her with no pink stripe in her hair. Emily, my coworker from the Brew, sits next to Aria, and another one of those nerds sits near me and Mona. It's strange, cuz usually, she sits with Aria and Em. I know her name is Spencer, because she ran for class president a number of times. I wonder if any of them really consider me someone worthy of their time. They hardly ever talk to me and Mona, except this one time when Emily told me she was a lesbian and asked for advice on how to come out to her friends since her mom freaked out on her. Her dad was okay with it, but her mom was the problem. She was worried how her friends would take it. I told her that if they were true friends, they wouldn't think any differently about her. It's not like she killed anybody. She thanked me. To this day, I still don't know why she talked to me about such a deep topic. I don't think she recognizes that I'm in her class. It's not like I've given her the time of day either. Making friends is useless when you're a nobody. I resist the urge to look at any of those girls. Aria and Emily are talking together and laughing quietly, while Spencer doodles in her notebook. Alison isn't in our class. She refuses to be anywhere near me because she's embarrassed that I ever stepped foot on her property. I've apparently ruined her reputation, so she says. All her friends dropped her like a hot potato cuz of me. Now she's in this top-secret clique who doesn't even go to our school. She poses as a college student and lives in a dorm now. Even though she's gone, she could always come back, and I don't wanna live with her anymore.

Mrs. M talks about a book that's way over my head-if I can't even read regular English, then there's no way in hell I can understand Old English. She's asking us to make sense of this shit, and I look over at Mona with wide eyes, pleading for her help. She nods.

"Everyone has a chance to succeed in this class. Whether you want to pass or fail, that's your choice. Don't be shy to ask me or a friend for help. There's also tutoring in this classroom at lunchtime," is Mrs. M's big announcement. I think a lot of people did a shit job on the first homework assignment, because as she passes back the papers, everyone groans extra loudly. "I'll give you over the weekend to correct your scores and re-read the books. Remember, at the end of the year, I take the lowest grade off my scoresheet. I know this week was back to school and you're all still feeling the laziness of summer, but you have got to get on top of things!" Of course, Mona and Spencer got A's, and I'm not surprised when I see a big red F on my paper. I couldn't read any of the books on the summer reading list, so Alison's mom read one to me. It didn't really help, because everything went in one ear and out the other. I barely remember what happened.

"You could have warned me about this test," I hiss at Mona.

"Sorry, I thought we read the same book!"

I stick my tongue out at her. I need money more than I need this A right now, so I ain't re-taking the test. After class when everyone's gone, I walk to Mrs M's desk.

"Mrs. Montgomery...I can't read...or do long essays. Mona is helping me, but I'm still stupid." I shift my weight from one foot to the other.

"Not at all," she says. "You were transferred out of that class because you were way too smart for it! However, if you would like accommodations to make this class easier for you, I can call your foster parents and Principal Hackett so we can set up an IEP meeting-"

"I ran away!" I exclaim before I can stop myself.

"You..." She stares at me in disbelief. "What happened?" She's always had a soft spot for me. I was the sweetest girl in detention and the special day class because I never stirred up trouble. The worst thing I'd done was skip P.E. class because I just wasn't feeling it. I make sarcastic comments to teachers and sometimes even swear, but I never want to do it to Mrs. M.

"I explained it in my essay that's due Monday," I say. I'm pretty shocked that she doesn't know I've had a number of foster parents. She knows my mama's in jail cuz she's a good friend of hers. She works with the church people and they do things with the criminals. I don't see my mama as a criminal, but the fucking police call her one.

"Well, do you need a place to stay?"

My mouth drops open. Why is she saying this? "Um...I don't want to intrude on your space."

"You can't just be roaming the streets, Hanna."

"I'm trying to get my old house back, but would you mind if I helped you out with the wedding? Like serve food to the guests and stuff?"

"You would be of great service to me! Thank you for volunteering! I'll definitely let you do it for cash...in fact, you need a job and a home. What the heck, why don't you just take the guest room? Zack and I have a new place now, and it does need cleaning. We wanted to hire a maid...and I can trust you."

"Are you sure?" I'm dancing inside, I'm so excited.

"I'm positive. I'll see you tonight, and we won't be going on a honeymoon since we went to Austria this past summer."

I laugh a little. I can see the glow in her eyes when she talks about her love life. It gives me hope that I'll find my soul mate like she did. "Okay!"

She hands me something and Mona later tells me what it says. It just explains what to wear for tonight's job and I guess maids dress however they want these days. My best friend is so happy for me.

At the wedding, I'm in the background, but I can still see and hear everything that's going on. Aria's wearing such a pretty dress, it's black at the top but has a pale pink flowy skirt down to her knees. She's the maid of honor, apparently, and I go up to her and offer her and her friends some refreshments. It's so weird to see my classmates in formal attire.

"Hey, you're Hanna, aren't you?" Emily asks, and I nod. "Guys, she worked with me at the Brew. I can't believe I fell out of touch with you." She gives me a one-armed hug. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. You?"

"Great!"

"We haven't formally met. I'm sorry, my name is Aria, but I'm sure you knew that already." Aria shakes my hand.

Spencer raises her hand. "Spencer."

"Hi...y'all know I'm Hanna."

"Yeah," they say in unison.

"I...I like your dresses, girls," I compliment them awkwardly. I know I shouldn't make conversation when I'm working, but nobody really seems to want anything right now. Emily is wearing a bluish white dress, and Spencer is in a yellow dress.

"Thank you," Spencer says, and they all smile at me.

"Where did you get them?" I'm feeling a little envious, because I've never worn a beautiful dress in my life. They're too noticeable to steal.

"The mall," Aria says matter-of-factly. "We shopped together...like, after I helped my mom get her bridal gown."

"Oh...I see." I lower my eyes, because they look so much richer than me, and it's unfair. "So...how does it feel, having a new dad and stuff?"

"Zack isn't really my _new _dad...he's just like my _second _dad. He's gonna be my stepdad...and he's awesome! My mom's finally happy, and I'm excited for her."

"Well, good! Your mom's really nice, and she deserves this. I think you're lucky to have someone as great as she is."

"You just wait until she starts yelling at you!"

I laugh. "It's probably just pre-wedding jitters. She loves you."

"I know. Sometimes, I take her for granted...I think we all take our families for granted." She and her friends share a look, and it's one I recognize, pity, so I turn and walk away. Aria catches up to me.

"Hanna, I'm sorry if I offended you."

"You didn't, I just have to go back to the kitchen."

"Can you at least meet Spencer and Emily's dates?"

I shrug. "Sure."

She takes me back to her little group. A boy and a girl have joined them. "This is my girlfriend, Paige," Emily says. "Paige, Toby, this is Hanna. She's in Mrs. Montgomery's class with us."

"Hi, it's so nice to meet you."

"You too." Paige seems shy and out of her element, like me. "It's weird, wearing a dress when you're kind of a tomboy."

"This is my boyfriend, Toby," Spencer says and puts her hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, hey." I'm hesitant to shake his hand, because men scare the shit out of me. He looks nice, so I'm fine just giving him a friendly smile. "Um, I have _really_ gotta go now...see you guys later!" They wave at me as I walk away.

I'm going so fast that I run into someone. "Whoa, you shouldn't be looking at the ground!" he says. I look up at him, and I don't like the way he's starin' at me. His eyes are goin' up and down my body, like he's checking me out. I hate him already because he's bein' so creepy.

"Sorry." I turn to go, but he grabs my upper arm so I can't move anyplace.

"Who are you? I've never seen you before, but you are beyond sexy. I'll give you my number!"

I don't like this. I don't like this at all. I'm gon' have a panic attack in the middle of the weddin', and I ain't gonna be able to control myself. I know this feeling from years before, and it ain't good. I know what happens after this. "No, it's okay, see, I'm trying to get appetizers for the guests, and I'm really busy right now." _If the earth could swallow me whole, now would be a good time for that to happen._

"I need to hurry and get it to you!" His pocket rings, and he answers his phone. "Yeah, I'm coming. Relax, I'm coming. I just had to use the bathroom." He grips me tighter, and I want to scream, but I don't. _How can nobody see this? _He closes his phone. "So, where were we?"

I pull out of his grasp. "Fuck you," I whisper under my breath and walk right past him. I hope I never see him again after the wedding.

I go outside to get everything out of my system and then tiptoe inside again. I'm back in the kitchen and I feel safe now. I take calming breaths and focus on my task, which is organizing the finger sandwiches. That's what I get for staying out there longer than I was supposed to.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a boy my age try to sneak a scone into his pocket. He's got a gray beanie covering his shaggy brown hairdo and I have to admit, he's kinda cute. It's funny that they told him to take off his hat and he did at first, but then he put it back on when he thought nobody was looking. He's such a rebel. He reminds me of myself, except for the fact that I don't steal from actual human beings.

"Don't steal from them, it's rude! Have some class," I scold him.

"I'm hungry! A dude's gotta eat!" he protests.

"You should have done that at home..."

"It's just a shame that I don't have one," he mutters, and I gape after him in stunned silence. I want to apologize, but he's already going to the cook to arrange more food on a plate.

If I was in a contest for awkward moments, I would for sure win the most awards. This has been the longest day ever, and I feel like crawling into a hole, but I know I can't. I have to keep doing my job if I want Mrs. M to trust me. If only life had a rewind button, or at least a pause button...then I wouldn't make mistakes no more.


	2. The Princess of Rosewood

**Thank you for beta'ing, xxdare2dreamxx1! Happy Thanksgiving to all of those who celebrate! Btw, the point of views switch between Hanna and Caleb...the odd numbered chapters are in Hanna's POV, and the even numbered chapters are in Caleb's POV.**

She has no idea what she's saying. I'm angry, but I have no right to be. How would she know that I'm homeless? We have never seen each other before. For all I know, she's a high-class bitch like a lot of girls in this town...but then why would she sass the help...or maybe she's a kind soul, who is working here for charity. Whoever she is, she made a huge blunder, and I don't expect her to apologize. Nobody ever does when they screw me over.

"Hey look, I'm sorry...I didn't know..." she says as I pass her with the heavy tray of chocolate chip cookies.

"Yeah, fine." As I look back at her, I see that her eyes are squinted in concern, like she's actually being sincere. Then again, she may just be putting up a front to not cause drama. I don't care either way. I can't care anymore, because the last time I did, my life took a downhill spiral. It was all because my foster mother didn't bother to pay for child support. She didn't even notice me walk out the door. That's exactly why I am now living in Rosewood High School and breaking into the vending machine.

The blonde girl comes in again. "They said they need more food out there."

"Oh, right...sorry."

I take the food into the hall and place it on a back table. I return to the food preparation area, but I can still see and hear everything that's going on.

Ella's father leads her to her soon-to-be husband at the end of the aisle, Aria takes Ella's bouquet, as she is the maid of honor, and the girl next to me looks all pale as the new married couple join hands and say their vows. "Oh, that's disgusting!" she says under her breath as they make out passionately, but it's loud enough for me to hear it.

"Hey, what's wrong with a free show of romance at their own wedding? Are you sick or something?"

She staggers a bit in her step. "Don't worry about it. The feeling will pass. It's just strange to see a teacher having a life outside of school." We both have a chuckle at that.

The bride and groom kiss for the umpteenth time that night, and so do the guests. The help-the girl, myself, and the others-are just on the outside, looking in. I did have a love like Ella and Zack...but one car crash later, my girlfriend disappeared forever. That was back in Ravenswood, and even though I have friends there, I can't stand it there anymore because it reminds me of who I lost. Miranda and I were both raised in foster homes, and when she passed, I thought I'd never find anyone like her again. I still feel that way. Her picture is in my mostly empty wallet. The picture we took at our school dance is the last one I have with her in it. I want to cry, but I can't.

_Caleb, stop thinking about me so much! You're going to destroy yourself! It's not gonna make me come back...this happened a year ago! You were a mess at my funeral, and that's acceptable...but now it's time to move on. Let another girl into your heart._

I always imagine Miranda's ghost talking to me. It is most likely my conscience.

"You seem real out of it. Should I ask them to give you a break?"

It's the blonde girl again. She has the bluest eyes out of anyone I've ever seen-in fact, I don't know anyone with blue eyes. She has such long legs and a genuine look about her face. _Ask her out!_ "No! I can't just up and do that," I respond.

"You don't wanna take a break?" She looks confused.

"Well, ah...I just don't want to look lazy, is all."

"You're slumped over and you seem depressed...not lazy. You okay?"

"Just a lot of things going on, all right, don't worry about me. Concentrate on your problems, and I'll concentrate on mine, fair enough?"

"Fine. Excuse me for asking!"

"Today has just not really been my day…"

She sounds so insulted and hurt. I want to slap myself for talking that way to her. She's only trying to be nice. "That makes two of us."

I feel a tap on my elbow. "Excuse me, mister!" a little voice says loudly. I turn around and face a kid with brown ponytail and glasses. She looks about six or seven years old. "I'm lost!"

I have no idea what to do with children, especially ones who can't find whoever they're supposed to be with. They're cute and all, but they can be a pain in the ass. There's gotta be a reason why my parents dumped me when I was this girl's age.

My co-worker comes to my rescue. "Do you want me to help you find your parents?" She bends down to the child's level.

"My name is Claire. I have _noooooo _idea where they are! Mommy said if I ever get lost, I gotta go to a grownup."

"Well, I ain't exactly a grownup...but I'm tall enough to help you out." Claire takes her hand and leaves the room. Minutes later, she comes back empty-handed. "Crisis averted."

"You'd make a good babysitter."

"Nah."

"Have you ever babysat before?" I wonder aloud while putting cheese slices on top of crackers.

"I did, once...a teacher's son..." She trails off and rolls her eyes to the ceiling. "You?"

"Mrs. Montgomery has a little boy?" She's the only teacher I'm familiar with here. "No, uh, I don't believe I have...I'm not good with rugrats."

She giggles, and her dimples are blinding me. I have to look away. "I don't mean _her_, there was another teacher...Mr. Fitz..he got arrested a while ago...sexual misconduct with a student. That kid wasn't his, either."

"Poor little guy...you ever wonder what it's like growing up without a father?"

"Yeah...but his ex girlfriend lied to him...he wasn't even aware that Malcolm wasn't his son."

The names are familiar to me. "This guy used to date Aria Montgomery."

"She seemed to really love him...I'd hear her talking to him in the girls' bathroom...I wonder why she turned him in...maybe he turned out to be a scumbag."

"Maybe. She doesn't really tell us guys anything...just the girls. So, babysitting, that's how you make money?"

"Occasionally."

"You wouldn't like the way I make money...I fix people's phones and charge them a lot of cash."

"How much is a lot?"

"Around forty bucks. I feel like I ripped off Emily Fields, but before you judge me, I gave her extra apps. She was extremely grateful."

"Oh...well, it ain't _that _shady. At least you don't sell drugs."

"Yeah. So, how do you know Ella and Zack? I'm friends with her daughter."

"I only really know Ella. She's my teacher now, but before, she helped me out in the special day class."

"Hold on, you go to Rosewood High?"

She nods, much to my surprise. "Been there since grade nine."

"That's funny, I transferred there last year. I wonder why I've never seen you."

"Cuz I'm invisible. Why are you even talking to me?"

I was shocked by this question. "Why would I not?"

"I dunno, I guess I'm just being silly...I shouldn't think so low of myself...it's just hard, cuz I'm a teenage runaway and all."

"What, you're homeless too?"

"I used to be. Now I'm living with her and Zack. Hey...I've been thinking...when this thing is over...you said you don't have a home...it's like, pouring out there right now...if you want, I could ask Ella if you could stay there for a while...until you get back on your feet. I'm sure she wouldn't mind-"

"No, thank you. I left my foster home for a very good reason. I have a lousy social worker, and your foster parents are gonna ask me questions. I'd rather be a lone ranger."

"Where are you gonna sleep?"

"At the school."

"What about staying with a friend?"

"There's this dude I know in Flagstaff...Arizona...but I can't afford to move...I know! I can bunk with Lucas Gottesman. He's my best buddy. He tutors me and tries his best to keep me out of trouble."

She smiles. "Well, then, there you go! I thought you would have been doing that before..."

"I've only been a runaway for one night and almost a whole day...I just felt awkward asking him."

"I know Lucas, he's a sweet guy. He'll take you in if you give him a good sob story. Hey...my bestie tutors me as well."

_I'm six years old and in my pajamas. My babysitter's on the phone, talking to the police and then they're asking questions about my daddy. He's been stealing money again. I have to talk to the police, the babysitter says. They ask me stuff I don't understand and I don't know how to answer them. I feel alone...so alone...and then there's the random birthday card from Mommy._

My voice is gonna crack any second, and I don't want her to see me break down. I barely know her. We're strangers, but as the minutes go by, talking to her makes me feel less alone. I don't think I ever met anyone like her before, besides my late girlfriend. My friends and I haven't had a deep conversation, and I'm not as close to the guys as I'd like to be. Their girlfriends look to me for technical stuff, but that's about it. Ella's nice and all, but she's supposed to be, it's a parent's job to be respectful of their children's friends. That's what they're expected to do. This girl is going out of her way to speak to me, and it surprises me more than anything.

"Marin! Rivers! You're here to serve and set up the food, not chat. Get your asses moving!" the head chef barks at us, and we spring to action.

"Sorry!" we both apologize and then leave the back room with our dishes of assorted appetizers. We set them down on the table where the rest of the food is.

"I'm Caleb," I introduce myself and offer her my hand. Hesitantly, she shakes it, and her hand feels so dainty and soft. She reminds me of Miranda-beautiful with a kind soul.

"Caleb," she shyly echoes. "My name's Hanna."

"It's nice to meet you."

"You, too."

Next up is dinner, and then the cutting of the wedding cake. Everyone on the staff places a part of the cake on hundreds of plates. I hide a hunk of it in a napkin and stuff it in my pocket in a way that nobody can see me. After that, everyone is making toasts.

"Chocolate cake is the best," Hanna says. She eyes the pieces of cake hungrily.

"I couldn't agree more. How about while they're talking, we share a slice?" I grin at her mischeviously.

She laughs. "You can't be serious! They'll never trust us again!"

"I have a way where we don't get caught." I look around us and when the coast is clear, I pull my piece out. She gasps, and I break the slice in half. "Don't make a mess, or they'll be suspicious!"

She stuffs a few bites in, as do I. We eat over the garbage so the crumbs aren't all over the floor.

The toasts are up next. Aria is the first to speak into the microphone. "I offer my congratulations to my mom and her new husband, Zack. They met at the Brew two and a half months ago and have been head over heels in love ever since. I am honored to be here tonight and I give them the happiest blessings. To Ella and Zack!" She raises her glass, as does everyone else. My friends from school and a bunch of other people I don't know say a little something too.

The cake is then served. Zack pops a piece of cake into Ella's mouth and I feel like doing the same thing to Hanna, just to make her giggle. She looks like she needs to let out a big belly laugh. Ella tosses her bouquet into a throng of ladies and one of them catches it. Cheers fill the room and then the group dance starts.

"Have you been to one of these before?" I gesture towards the attendants spinning around to the lively music.

"A wedding and a reception? Hell no," she says. "In fact, I ain't gone nowhere fancy since I was this small." She puts her hand low to the ground.

"Neither have I, really..."

_It's only half past the point of no return_  
><em>The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn<em>  
><em>The thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase<em>  
><em>"Have you ever felt this way?"<em>

She's bobbing along to the music and humming to herself. It's kinda beautiful. "I love this song," she comments. She must've noticed me staring at her, since she's turning pink.

"It's a good one."

"Yeah," she murmurs.

Pretty soon, the wedding is over with. Everyone is going home and I catch up with my friends. Hanna is helping Ella and Zack load up the car.

"Hey, I'll see you guys at school on Monday," I tell Aria, Emily, Spencer, Toby, and Paige. I throw on my overcoat and sling my bag over my shoulder.

"Okay, bye!" We all exchange short hugs and then they leave. Zack comes up to me.

"What are you still doing here? Do you have someplace to go? We can't just leave you stranded."

"Yeah, I know, man," I mutter. "Uh...I left my phone at home and my car's with my ride. I'll just call him on the pay phone. Got a few quarters? I'll pay you back next time I go to the Brew."

"Oh, sure, no problem!" Zack hands me some money and I walk to a nearby pay phone as I put my hood up to protect myself from the rain. I dial Lucas' number and he picks up almost right away.

"Hello?"

"Dude, listen, it's me, Caleb. You mind if we're roommates for a while? I'm homeless...and I don't know what else to do."

"I'll ask my mom if you can stay with us."

"Thanks!" I wait while he talks to his mom and then he comes back on the phone.

"She said it's fine, but you have to get a non-shady job so you can support yourself. We're not totally rich, but it's okay if you live with us."

"I need to earn enough cash to buy myself a small apartment. That's all...I don't want to be in your hair too much."

"It's all right, I get it. I'll pick you up at the church soon."

"Okay. Bye," I say as I see Hanna running up to me while holding her umbrella over her head.

"Bye," he's barely able to get out before I hang up.

"I'm going to sleep in a warm bed tonight," I tell Hanna. "Here, let me put this over both of us."

She folds her arms over her chest. "Good, so am I! Zack suggested that I check up on you. He was afraid you'd get robbed."

"I don't have any money, so tell him not to worry."

"Plus...I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. We had such an interesting conversation. I had to tell Ella and Zack there was something I forgot...which wasn't a lie, technically."

"I think we'll see each other again. This is quite a small town, and we go to the same school. Do you want me to walk you to your car? It's starting to get dark."

"Yes, please," she murmurs. We walk side-by-side, and I make sure she's farther from the street than I am. Our arms swing back and forth and sometimes, our hands bump. I feel like should grab her hand or something, but I don't. We're just friends. Soon, we reach Ella and Zack's car. It's stuffed with all the decorations and wedding presents.

"How are you gonna fit in there?" I ask. "It looks really cramped."

"I'll manage."

I open one of the doors to let her into the crowded backseat while covering her with the umbrella. "Good luck! Have fun in your new home." I hand her back the umbrella.

"Thank you! Same goes for you." She moves things out of the way and sits down. She places a large present and the umbrella on her lap and I shut the door.

"Oh, and Ella, Zack, congratulations! May your marriage be happy and long-lasting."

They grin and thank me in unison. Hanna and Ella wave at me as Zack drives off.

Lucas pulls up just then, and I almost run to his car. The teacher's lounge couch gave me kinks in my neck although it was comfortable. I'm certain that Lucas' bunk bed would be much better.

"Hey, man!" Lucas says as I climb in the passenger seat.

"Hey, you look happy...more than usual...what's going on?"

I lean back. "Things are really looking up. I have a place to crash now...and I met this nice girl at Mrs. Montgomery's wedding."

Lucas looks interested. "Does she have a hot friend you can hook me up with? Maybe we can double date."

I hit his arm with the back of my hand. "Dude, it's not like that! She's cute...but we didn't hook up."

"What's her name?"

"Hanna Marin."

"I have a crush on her!" he exclaims. "She's my friend and she's sweet...but let's see which one of us she chooses. I want her to be happy."

"Listen, even though we've fallen for the same girl, we're bros, and she won't come between us. I promise. How did you meet her?"

"A virginity club on the first day of school...we were having a Real Love Waits meeting, and then she decided that wasn't her thing."

It's quiet on the rest of the way to Lucas' house. We run to his front door and he lets us both in. His mom greets us with friendly hugs. She's always made me feel welcome in this house.

"Hi, Mom, is it okay if we order a pizza?" Lucas asks.

"Of course!"

"Thank god, I'm starving," I say with a gracious smile.

We are soon looking hungrily at a large pizza with just about everything on it, including pepperoni, sausages, onions, mushrooms, and extra cheese. Lucas turns on _Star Wars _and we watch it while we eat our dinner. After that is video games and arm wrestling. We stare at some porn on his computer and I imagine the girls are Hanna. At about one in the morning, Lucas gets into his pajamas and loans me a pair of sweats. I thank him and we climb into his bunk bed. I'm at the top while he's at the bottom.

"How did you end up in this situation?" he asks from below me.

"I was a nomad, you know, wandering from place to place. My parents don't give two shits about me, they haven't since I was a kid. I was taken in by different foster families who didn't really care for me either. Finally, I had enough and just left home earlier this week."

"Dude, that's rough. I think I should just give up on Hanna...I mean, she and I don't have much in common. She grew up in foster homes like you did."

"Oh, I know, she told me. She lives with Mrs. Montgomery now."

"She escaped that nasty little bitch, I guess."

"Who are you talking about?"

"Hanna used to live with Alison DiLaurentis. Don't tell me you've never heard of her. She's a legend...in a bad way...and she's notorious. Imagine an evil she-demon...like Aurra Sing in _Star Wars_. You must have seen her somehow...did she call you anything?"

"I don't know her..."

"She would always bully me and call me Hermie. I'll let Hanna tell you everything else about her."

"She sounds like a sweetheart," I say sarcastically. "How did Hanna get stuck with her?"

Lucas shrugs. "Mrs. DiLaurentis is rich and she was able to support Hanna."

"I'm sure she'll be better taken care of at Ella's," I point out. "She didn't deserve to live with such a mean girl."

"No, she didn't," Lucas agreed. "Toss down some of those comic books on your bed, why don't ya?"

"Sure." I throw him the books that are laying on his bed. I lean back, put my hands behind my head, and close my eyes as I think about my life in Ravenswood, when I moved there. I had just met my then best friend, Luke, and I saw Miranda for the very first time.

_A pillow being thrown at my face awakens me. I stretch and let out a big yawn. This was the best night of sleep I'd ever had in my whole life, and Luke says I almost overslept so he got me out of trouble by waking me up. I'm so used to noise at my own house, but here, it's peaceful and quiet._

_"Rise and shine, boys!" one of the other guys shouts, coming into our room with his roommate. His parents died in some earthquake way back when and he's been living here for years. He's our age, sixteen._

_"I'm up, I'm up," I groan._

_"Man, you slept for ten hours! That's a hell of a good sleep," Luke laughs. "I woke up at about nine, and it's almost 9:30. You can rest until then, but you were dead to the world. Raymond's gonna come in and check up on us at 9:30 and you have to be alert. You never know when someone's gonna adopt one of us."_

_"What would happen if I was still sleeping?" I ask._

_"Nothin', Raymond would just shake you awake and reprimand you like a father, but Jesus, it's annoying!" Luke rolled his eyes. "He's cool, so you don't want to get on his bad side, you know, his responsible side."_

_We have to laugh at that, and then, the other dude walks out because he wants to talk with Raymond._

_"Hey man, check it out. Binoculars," I say, reaching down and picking up the binoculars at the foot of my bed._

_"Yeah, I stole it from my dad," Luke shrugs._

_"You thinking what I'm thinking?" I grin at him._

_"Nah, what are you thinking?" he asks._

_"Let's see what those girls are up to," I answer, and we both cheer and hoot. I put them up to my eyes first. "Eh, nothing interesting, just one girl reading some book…is she crying?"_

_"Let me see," Luke says, grabbing them from me. "A girl's reading and she seems to be crying. Through her tears, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She has black hair with chocolate-colored eyes and she's wearing old sweats that show off her figure nicely. Wonder why she's crying. Poor girl," he says. "Maybe Rochelle's got her doing so much shit, she hates it there!"_

_"Oh! Burn!" I yell, laughing. We hear so much about Rochelle from Raymond that we don't like her much either. He passes me the binoculars and the scene had changed. A woman…_was it Rochelle?_ joins her and it looks like she's reprimanding her but then they hug. Then, a blonde girl, a brunette girl, and a little girl joined them. "Oh, damn, she is hot," I wolf whistle. "There's this girl with this giant sweatshirt tickling a kid…but there's another girl with them…her legs look great in those skinny jeans. I wonder if she'll go out with me. I do love blondes, you know, but this other one's smokin'! Wow, that pixie is a great dancer! She looks so cute dancing her routine…oh she stopped. Wonder why. Now, she's talking to the reading girl we saw earlier, the one Luke's in love with," I tease._

_A few minutes pass while I ogle over the short brunette girl, and then Luke takes a turn looking._

_"Should we have names for these girls? We've got reading girl, blondie, and pixie. What if there's more blondes or more girls that read, or more pixies? Make up some names," Luke offers._

_"Call the reading girl Elizabeth," I tell him._

_"Why Elizabeth?"_

_"Ever seen Kiera Knightley? She always plays that quiet girl who reads and she plays a character named Elizabeth. And I'd call the blondie…Barbie. The pixie should be named Tinkerbell."_

_"Awww, shut up!" Luke slaps the back of my head._

_"What? I don't know what else to call her."_

_"Well, let's just call them what they look like, and then ask them their names if we see them in person up close," he says._

_"Yeah, good idea," I agree._

_After breakfast, we spy on the girls again. This time, the blondie is giving the pixie a makeover it looks like. She doesn't need a makeover! She's fine the way she is. When she is done, I hand Luke the binoculars because the girl he liked is about to do a pose in front of the mirror with the reader and the blondie._

_"She's hot! Too bad we can't hear what they're saying! Oh, now, Rochelle just came in, and she took a picture of them and the blonde and another girl with brown hair and glasses. Okay, that music is going to drive Raymond nuts. They do have it up too loud. We can barely hear it, so that means they need to turn it down._

_"But look at that pixie dance!" He sighs lustfully._

_"Let me see!" I demand, and he tosses me the binoculars. I'm almost hyperventilating watching my crush dance. Then, I immediately put them down. "I think they just found binoculars. I see the girl with glasses waving them over her head and the girls stop dancing. Start doing something hot!"_

_We take off our shirts and begin doing push-ups and letting the girls drool over us, if they are in fact, watching us. We really hope they are!_

_Raymond comes in a few minutes later. "Boys, what are you doing?"_

_"We think the girls are spying on us," I inform him._

_"And we wanna look good!" Luke chuckles._

_"Rochelle doesn't control those girls," he mutters, shaking his head and walking out of the room._

_"I'm glad she doesn't. Next time we catch them, maybe they'll be naked!" Luke guffaws and I slap the back of his head. "Damn it!"_

_"Don't be such a perv," I tell him._

_"They're pervs too, you know! They spied on us also!" he protests._

_"Yeah, you're right. But let's spy on them later, and play baseball now!"_

_We play a game outside despite the rain. It's me against Luke. We're teaching the nine little guys how to play when Raymond calls some of them in because they're getting adopted. I win, and Luke cusses. We go back inside for school for two hours, but a fun school, and lunch, and we see Raymond looking through the binoculars, laughing his head off._

_"What the hell?" I shout._

_"Rochelle just got a face full of noodles and sauce!" he says between his bursts of laughter. "Apparently, the girls are having a food fight. Oh, look at that, she joins in!"_

_"Why are you watching her? She has cooties!" one of the little boys, Jack said._

_"Hey, little guy, girls don't have cooties. When you get older, you'll understand." I ruffle his hair playfully._

"Good times in that orphanage," I grumble to myself. "They're just fond memories now. It's about time I start over." I can see Miranda smiling down at me as I think those words.

****Thank you for reading and reviewing, xxdare2dreamxx1 and feyhazelle! I would really appreciate some feedback...how do you guys like this story?****


	3. There's Only So Much A Girl Can Take

**Thank you for beta'ing, xxdare2dreamxx1! Yay, the Christmas episode is tonight! :D**

I do my best to look behind me as we drive away. The rain is pattering on the windows and making it harder and harder for me to see Caleb. Zack adjusts the rearview mirror until he says, "There she is! How are you doing back there, Hanna?" How dare he talk to me this way, like nothing even happened! He doesn't even smile at me apologetically. I can see his stupid face grinning at me, like something's really hilarious.

"I'm good," I say. "Mrs. Montgomery...since I'm now gonna live with you and Zack, would it be okay if I called you Ella outside of the classroom?"

"Of course, go right ahead. Zack...do you want to tell her the great news, or should I?" Ella asks.

"I will! I'm the CEO of the Rosewood Bank now...just got the job, and I'm starting Monday. Imagine that, I started out at the Brew as a plain old bakery guy only two months ago...and _boom_! I got rich quick. Babe, are you sure you're not only marrying me for my money? It may not last forever!"

Ella lets out a tinkling laugh and I roll my eyes inwardly. "Sweetheart, I would never use you like that."

"The previous branch manager was incarcerated and then the family lost their house. That was years ago...they told me they never saw a better candidate for the job than me!"

"Well, that's sad for the family," Ella cuts in. "Ashley Marin used to work at that bank."

"My mother," I add. I feel like Zack knows she is in jail and he just wants to humiliate me and be mean.

"Oh...I'm sorry, I didn't realize that," he mutters.

"Can I...visit her...like, as soon as possible? I haven't seen her in forever."

"Yes, according to the rules at the Pennsylvania county jail, we can only visit an inmate once a week, for an hour. Since your mom's last name begins with an M, our day is Wednesday. I'll take you then after school, okay?" Ella responds.

"Thank you!" I say happily. I'm a little disappointed that I can't see her whenever I feel like it, but at least I'm gonna go soon, five days from now. I wanna tell Ella everything, like how I made a new friend at her wedding and that none of my previous foster families have taken me to see my mom. I feel so comfortable with her. I just can't say any of this in front of Zack, because he seems like a stick in the mud and a huge pervert. I wonder why Ella can't see any of this. He's allowed to be proud of himself and stuff, but that direct dig at my mother being behind bars was really rude. Maybe I'm being too sensitive about it, because Ella doesn't seem mad at him or anything.

We get to a big, white house in the middle of nowhere. The only way I can tell there's a house, was because through all the wet, green trees, there is a clearing with a cement walkway leading up to a couple of stairs. A brown door is visible and then above it, there is a window and part of the roof. Obviously, they like their privacy. Zack keeps driving up the driveway, and the garage door opens just wide enough for the car. It takes us about five trips to get everything in the house. Ella helps me put my things in my bedroom and then I take time to explore the mansion. Wow, they really _are _rich!

My bedroom closet is as big as my bed back home, but my new bed is a huge queen sized bed with white sheets and covers with a white and pink tye-dye pattern. The walls are covered in pink dragonflies with a mostly white background. There is a small couch on one side of my room and a vanity mirror on the other. I set my bag down on my bed.

"You like it?" Ella asks, surprising me.

"Oh! I love it, thank you."

"You're welcome! Come on down, we're gonna open our wedding presents."

I follow her downstairs while sneaking a peek at all the rooms I pass. She did a great job painting every room a different color. Her guest bathroom is sunshine yellow, her living room is lime green, her dining room is sky blue, and her kitchen is red. "Wow, nice colors," I compliment her.

"Thank you, dear," She hands me a plate of pasta with meatballs and a piece of bread with butter. I sit down to eat while they open their wedding presents. She gives all three of us a glass of milk with a chocolate chip cookie for dessert.

Suddenly, she stands up and holds her stomach. She heads into another room, and I am now alone with Zack. He sniggers under his breath. "Probably vomiting in the bathroom...I knocked her up!" He sounds like a proud twelve-year-old who touched a girl's boobs for the first time. "It aint no fun being preggers, that's for sure." He plops his plate into the sink and it nearly misses the other dishes. "Wash this shit. Hurry up. Not a single drop of water on the floor."

I'm already doing it as he speaks. "She never mentioned she was pregnant."

"Well, because she'd be mortified to admit the reason for her big gut," he says, guffawing. I give him the scariest stare that could make a tiger back down, and he puts his hands up. "Hey, I'm kidding, okay?"

"I'm not in a joking mood. You don't get to call a woman fat unless you want to be single. That's a total asshole move."

He spins me around so fast that I almost drop the bowl I'm scrubbing with soap and hot water. He pushes it into me so that only our two bodies are keeping it from landing on the floor. He grabs it and sets it down on the counter. "You don't make the rules around here, you got that? I do! What I want to say about my wife is none of your business. Your job here is our maid and I'm your master. You call Ella whatever you desire, but when it's just the two of us, it's master and pet. I'm _sir_ to you, too. I'll even pay you to be my sex slave, I'm that nice," he whispers. "We're like the couple in _Pretty Woman_, because you're dirt poor and I'm Mr. Moneybags."

***warning: unwanted advances***

"What the fuck?" I say quietly. "I'm not some hooker." I start trembling with panic.

"That's right, you're _my _hooker," he growls as he grabs me by my wrists and forces them together behind my back. "Quick, plant one on me!"

"I won't tell Ella or anyone else if you leave me alone! Please...let's just put this behind us." My voice is barely audible. "Ella loves you, don't do this to her...and I'm not even eighteen yet!"

He ignores me. "With Ella, it's like fucking a whale! I'm hungry for you. Your begging is really hot." He wiggles his tongue and I can feel the tip of it snaking into my mouth. I'm all clammy and I want to kick him where it counts or something, but I can't get myself to move an inch. "You ever had kitchen sex?"

***it's over now***

Thankfully, he stops and backs away from me completely when Ella announces that she's all ready for bed. I'm still shaking, but I walk straight out of the kitchen without looking at either one of them. My stomach is in knots and I lock the bathroom door for privacy. I brush my teeth with a toothbrush and toothpaste set that Ella has left out for me in the bathroom. I rinse and spit, but my mouth doesn't feel clean at all. There's bruises where his vise grip had been earlier, so I hide them with my bracelets. I take my hair down and fluff it out. The girl on the opposite side of me copies my actions. Her face crumples up and she blinks back tears. It doesn't do any good since we're both crying at the exact same time.

"I'm overreacting," I tell myself and then sniffle. "It was just a kiss...maybe he feels guilty for cheating on his wife and pushing me into it...maybe a kiss was all he wanted." Then, I remember what Jessica and Alison DiLaurentis told me, which was a lady never cries, when times are tough, she holds her head up high. They said nothing should ever get me down, and I'm a big baby if I let the slightest thing bother me. "I'm in a good home. I don't get beat. I don't get made fun of. I'm seeing my mom on Wednesday. Ella adores me. Zack...well, he's a different story, but I could maybe confront him about it when he's not stressed or tired. I could advise him that if he's not happy, he should divorce Ella. Yeah...that's what I'll do. Now smile, Hanna."

I try my best to obey myself and I take a huge breath in and out. I count backwards from fifty. I get into my red and black flannel pajamas and wash the makeup off my face. I take out my earrings and set them on my nightstand. I turn out all my lights and climb into bed. It feels so warm and cozy.

Someone knocks on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes!" I respond because it's Ella. I knew it was her when she asked, since one, Zack wouldn't ask my permission, and two, the voice was feminine.

She walks inside, turns on my lamp, and sits on my little couch. I love that she's giving me my personal space, but I need a mother's touch right now. If I won't let myself get sad, I can at least have comfort in a trustworthy person's arms. It would definitely make me feel much better. I sit up and wave her over.

"You seemed upset-"

"I'm over it now. Are you okay? I heard you like, retching, in the bathroom as I was cleaning up."

"Being with child does that to you. I'm fine, sweetie. Don't worry."

"Oh fantastic! Do you know if it's a girl or boy yet?"

"Nope...I'm seven months along, and I want it to be a surprise."

"Have you thought of any names?"

"Zack and I haven't really talked about it. I'm thinking Lola, if I have a girl."

"That's cute. I like Taylor, Johnny, Ashley...after my mom, and Holly, like the Christmas decoration."

"Those are nice."

"I'm really excited to meet my mom...nobody's ever driven me over there or anything. All hell broke loose if I even mentioned her name. I told 'em why she was in jail, but nobody would listen! I'm glad you did. I mean...of course you ain't gonna be ignorant or fearful because she's your best friend. Oh, and Ella, guess what?" I'm such a chatterbox with her that I don't let her guess. "I got more kids to hang out with besides Mona...like there's your daughter, her girlfriends, a couple of their lovers, and this guy who was helping out at your wedding. He says he knows you and Aria and all the rest...Caleb's in a new house, too...he lives with Lucas now."

"Ah, Caleb Rivers, he's quite the gentleman. He may seem tough, but he has a heart of gold."

"He's been through a lot, like me. We had a fun talk...he seems cool and very friendly. I can hardly wait to see him and the others come Monday! I'm also gonna take dance because I love it so much."

"Well, that's good. You would do wonderfully. Now...we have a big day tomorrow, not only am I giving you your first chores, I'm taking you shopping. A girl cannot go through life with only three outfits. It's best to close those pretty eyes of yours, okay?"

"Okay," I agree. "Hey, can we also get me a bank account so I don't use up all your money? Plus, I don't have a good phone. I want to be able to call and text my friends with the latest technology."

"Oh, certainly! Think of anything you want."

"Beanies, sunglasses, dresses, tops, jeans, peacoats, boots..." I trail off. "It's such a long list, sorry."

"You're allowed to ask for everything, it's what people do."

"Oh my gosh, this is like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one!" I exclaim.

"It's a bunch of housewarming gifts, is what it is."

She tucks me into bed and I reach up for a hug. We embrace each other tightly before Ella lets me go. Zack doesn't come near my room, to my satisfaction. She even says to him as she's walking out of my room, "Time to hit the hay! I'm so exhausted!"

He responds with a yawn and pauses by my doorframe. "Undress me, my sweet."

I sigh and roll over while closing my eyes. The bed is so comfy and warm. In my earliest house, I had to sleep on a hard cot in the freezing basement or in a crowded room that looked like an orphanage, and in Alison's place, I was on her pull-out couch downstairs like some hotel guest. This room that I'm in right now makes me feel like I'm part of this household. I have my privacy here, but I'm also near Ella. It's nice to be sleeping on the same floor as the people I live with.

I dream of nothing but me in some sort of limelight, doing what I love in front of a huge crowd of people. I'm dancing and they're all cheering for me. I have the whole stage to myself and I make my moves big and graceful. I'm showing off my talent and smiling the whole time. Then, suddenly, I run until I start flying.

_"Han-na...Han-na...Han-na!"_

"Hanna...time to wake up..."

The images in my head fade away and I blink my eyes a few times. "Good morning, Ella!"

"Good morning, sunshine! You were giggling in your sleep."

"Oh yeah, I had a good dream. I was in some kind of performance."

"According to the dream moods dictionary, it means you're ready to move forward to another stage in your life."

"Oh...well that makes sense, then, because I am! I'm so looking forward to today!"

"Great! Let's get started...how do eggs with cheese melted on top surrounded by bacon sound to you?"

I gasp. "Delicious! I haven't had a yummy meal in a while."

"I thought you'd be glad."

I nod and then go to the bathroom to wash my face. I skip down the stairs and join Ella in the kitchen.

"Is it just us eating breakfast?"

"Yeah, Zack likes to sleep in until about noon. It's nine now. First order of business, here's the ketchup if you want it, and you can take a plate from the cabinet up there." Ella points to the spot and sits the ketchup down on the counter. She pours a fruit smoothie into a few glasses. "These are our drinks."

I get a plate and use the spatula to put my eggs and bacon on it. I drizzle ketchup all over my eggs and I'm practically drooling from just the smell of it all. Ella gets her own food and we start eating our breakfast at the table. The smoothie is just as delicious as the rest of the meal.

"I wish I could take you to see your mom today, but rules are rules. I promise to take you every single Wednesday."

"I understand, it's okay. I'm really grateful. It gives me more time to prepare what I'll talk to her about. This might be a silly question, but do you think she'll remember me? We need to catch up on life."

"Honey, she never forgot you. I've seen her cry while talking about you."

"Oh, good!"

After breakfast, we go shopping at the King James Mall. I've been here tons of times, and I tell Ella this. There's end-of-summer sales, so we take advantage of those. It's a great money-saver. I try on all the clothes that I want to buy and most of them fit me. Ella takes me out for a Mexican lunch in the food court. In one of the stores, I see Caleb in the men's section, browsing through jeans and flannel shirts with Lucas. His back is turned, but Lucas spots me and taps him. He's pointing at me while waving hello, and Caleb is quick to notice me. He gives me a head nod and flashes me the biggest smile.

"Hanna, Mrs. Montgomery, hey there," Caleb greets us while walking over to where we are. Lucas stays put and keeps putting clothes into a cart.

"Hello, Caleb," Ella responds. "How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Hi, Caleb. We're buying me tons of stuff...new clothes, accessories, and technology, such as an iPhone and a MacBookPro! I came to Ella's house with almost nothing."

"That's what I'm doing, too. It looks like you found a lot." He gestures towards the many shopping bags around our wrists.

"Yeah, we did."

"This one here is a shopaholic, we've been here for hours!" Ella says jokingly, and I roll my eyes. She knows why we're doing all this.

Caleb and I laugh and then we say goodbye to each other. It's time to go back home because I have enough now.

After Ella helps me hang up all the clothes in my closet and organize my accessories and technology, she gives me my first official job, which is cleaning out the pool. The last residents who lived here didn't do that and they should have. At least I have something to do. I'll get ninety-five dollars for doing it for two hours. Zack's out there with a drink in his hand. He's relaxing on one of the lounge chairs and he keeps yelling at me to bend over. I just block out his noise with my brand new iPhone which is playing music that I bought on iTunes. Then, I dust the baseboards and vacuum the floors inside the house. I wash the windows, the mirrors, and the surface of every counter in the bathrooms, nightstands, dressers, and the kitchen. I make the beds, change the sheets, and do the laundry. I've earned over two hundred dollars today, and I'm tired. I'm not the chef, since Ella insists that is her duty. She doesn't want to appear lazy, but I would love to learn how to cook. It's fun.

"Okay, I can teach you!" Ella says cheerfully.

"Thank you! You know, you're allowed to rest. I figured out why you needed a maid."

"Well...my doctor _did_ tell me to take it easy. What would you like to make for dinner?"

"Nachos with cheese and refried beans and a hot dog!"

"I have to eat healthy...maybe we should have a salad with that, and save the nachos for a snack. Aria's planning a pool party. She's inviting all her friends here tomorrow."

"Oh, sorry, I just had a craving."

"It's okay, I get those too. So...step one, make the salad. You break up this lettuce here...and cut the tomato and avocado with a knife. Be careful and don't cut yourself by accident. It's happened to me before, and it's a mess." Ella lays out the ingredients in front of me and shakes something that's full of salad dressing. "You can put parmesan cheese on it if you want."

I follow her directions and show her my finished product. She says it's perfect, and I'm proud of myself. Ella and I set the table and serve the salad.

"Step two...pour oil all over that pan. It's already on medium heat. Make sure it covers the entire surface so the hot dogs don't stick."

I nod and do as she says. She takes out hot dogs and buns, which are all frozen. "Are we ready to put the food in here?" I ask.

"Yes."

I toss them in and put a cover on the pan so it can cook well without burning. Ella has given me good advice about this stuff.

"How long should I wait until it's ready?"

"Keep lifting the cover with an oven mitt and checking it every minute."

"Do you have cheese?"

"I do. It's in the cheese drawer in the fridge."

I get it and lay it on my hot dog. I notice that she has ketchup and mustard too, so I put them on the counter. When the food is finished cooking, I put each hot dog in its bun and drizzle ketchup and mustard on mine. Ella has hers with the same condiments and then she makes Zack's. She tells me to go get him and that he's outside. I'm dreading this, but I do it anyway. He's laying on his back and sleeping. I sort of kick his chair, since I don't wanna touch his nasty ass.

"What?" he grunts.

"Dinner's ready. Ella's expecting me back in a minute or less."

He gets up from his chair and gropes one of my butt cheeks and slaps the other one. "Thanks for letting me know, hot stuff." I fold my arms around my midsection and walk inside the house with him. He hurries to get his plate and starts eating before he even sits down. "Thanks for this, ladies," he tells us as we join him at the table.

"You're very welcome," Ella says with a smile. "You know, Hanna made this whole thing with just a little bit of my guidance."

"Wow! It's _delicious_," he says with his mouth full. He winks at me when Ella's head is turned and I focus on what's in front of me.

I take a shower the next morning and then we have waffles, strawberries, and whipped cream. At around lunchtime, the pool party begins. It's so hot, which is why Aria and her group, including Caleb, are jumping in the pool. They're splashing each other and laughing. I'm making nachos with refried beans and cheese and then I go outside and announce that the snacks are ready. Since the sun is very bright, I'm wearing sunglasses. I'm in my jean shorts and a white shirt. I've already got sunblock on.

"Hanna! Why don't you come join us?" Emily yells from the water before Paige dunks her under. Aria and Spencer are throwing a beach ball to each other back and forth while the guys are competing in who can do the best flip off the diving board. I lift my sunglasses up over my head and squint. Caleb does a cannonball and I cheer. He looks..._macho_. I wonder what he'd do if he found out about Zack.

"You're missing out on all the fun!" Spencer adds.

"Oh...I'd love to...I'll ask Ella if I can. Don't forget, I'm her maid as well as her foster daughter." I run back inside the house and see Ella and Zack putting sunblock on each other. "Hey...is it okay if I swim with them?"

"Of course," Ella permits me.

"We'll be out there in a second," Zack says.

"Yay! I'll change into my suit." I'm so excited to wear a bikini for the first time ever. I would always wear a shirt over a one-piece bathing suit, but now that my fat is gone, I can show off my body. I go into my room and throw my purple string bikini on and put my regular clothes on over it. I come back downstairs and walk outside. I pull off my shirt and my shorts. I sit by the edge of the pool and ease myself in. I swim to where the other girls are and sneak up on them. I hug them and they squeal. Pretty soon, we're all dying of laughter.

"Let's have a race!" Emily shouts.

"Okay, you against Paige, because otherwise, it isn't fair," Aria says.

"Hey, sorry I'm late to the party," a guy interrupts us. I watch Sean get into the water and Aria greets him with a kiss. Even though we aint together no more, it hurts to see him with someone else. I don't care if that person is someone I'm trying to impress or be friends with, it's still painful. He looks at me like I'm a disappointment or something he scraped off his shoe.

"Wait, are they dating?" I ask Spencer.

"Yeah. I hear they _did it_," she says with a giggle. "It was their first time, too."_  
><em>

"Oh, really? I thought he was a virgin!" I say dramatically. I want that couple to hear it. I want to embarrass Sean and protect Aria from heartbreak. Her legs are literally squeezing his hips and she's actually grinding him in the water.

"Apparently not anymore...anyway, how did you know that?" Emily whispers.

"Um...I had a bad experience with that jerk! Aria...can we talk in private?"

"Okay." Aria and I get out of the pool and we dry ourselves off. I take her to the side of the house. "Now, what did you want to tell me?"

"Sean and I dated and he dumped me because I talked like a hillbilly and he didn't want to have sex with me when I exposed myself to him...in more ways than one...but I'm totally fine with you dating him."

"Should I break things off?"

"No, not if you really love him!"

"Oh...I'll think about it. Wow, that just got totally awkward."

"Yeah, just go back into the pool," I dismiss her. She walks ahead of me and dives in while I wander to where Caleb is. If Sean can play around with others, so can I.

"These nachos are out of this world!" Caleb says after munching on a few.

I make sure Sean is paying attention as put my hand on Caleb's muscled shoulder and squeeze it a little. "Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my cooking." I stand on my tiptoes and whisper in his ear, "Do you mind flirting with me right back, just to get revenge on my ex?"

"Nope." He puts his hand on the wall and gently pushes me against it with his body. He frees my hair from its bun and plays with it a little. "I've always wanted to see how long these blonde locks were."

"What do you think?"

"You're beautiful...I mean...no doubt about it." My cheeks are warming up. This ain't part of the act, but who cares? It makes for a better story now that I'm blushing.

I laugh overly loud and pretend to fall into him. "Oh, Caleb, I'm flattered!"

"You know how trashy you look? You'll get raped in a second!" Sean's sexist words hit me hard.

I grab my clothes and rush inside the house, disregarding my friends' overlapping calls of, "Hanna, wait!"

I'm about to cry, and I wanna do it alone and in my room. I don't make it past the stairs, because I'm so filled with emotion that I just sit on the bottom step and sob.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing, feyhazelle, nico229, prettylittlehaleblover, Atramea, and xxdare2dreamxx1! I'm loving your support! It motivates me a lot! xoxo**


	4. Let's All Come Together

**I've been busy for the holidays but...Happy birthday Ashley Benson, Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrated, and Happy New Year! :D**

I'm standing there by the tray of nachos in disbelief. The girl I've been dreaming of for the past two nights has just made some serious moves on me. I don't know what gives Sean the right to comment so negatively on her being flirtatious with me. He'd basically called her a whore right to her face, which is probably why she took off.

"We should just leave her alone," Spencer says.

I storm over to that jerk and give him a good kick in the head before he can touch Aria. "Remember one thing, you bastard, don't ever say that kind of shit about Hanna or anyone else again!"

I wish Lucas had warned me about this asshole, because Sean climbs out of the water and pummels me to the ground, just as I turn my back to him. I land face-first on one of the chairs, and I'm sure I'm bleeding somewhere. I wasn't planning on starting a fight, but if it's in Hanna's honor, it's worth it.

Sean!" Aria screams. "Stop it!" She tries to get him off me, but he pushes her away. I think of that one time I almost got mugged and I suddenly gain some superhuman strength. I flip over and land a punch into his throat. I'm so blind with fury that I start knocking my fists into his face and his chest.

"Hey!" I hear Ella yelling. "Boys, that's enough!"

"Stop that!" Zack shouts loudly while yanking us away from each other.

"Sean, would you like me to call your mother and have her take you home, or will you see yourself out if you plan on bullying another one of Aria's friends?" Ella asks him.

Sean rolls away from me, and Toby helps me get up. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Montgomery. Caleb just stormed up to me and attacked me while I was about to give Aria a hug in the water."

"He called Hanna a slut and said she'd be sexually assaulted because of the way she was dressed," I explain. "He deserved it."

"_Sean_! Why would you insult her like that?" Ella demanded to know.

"That was not the reason! Hanna was making pass after pass at Caleb, and they're not even together! Caleb got into it too, and it was overkill."

"What, she's not allowed to make the first move?"

"That's not what I said!"

Ella folds her arms across her chest. "Well, since you two are _not _little children, you need to find a way to talk it out rather than using your fists. Where's Hanna?"

"She's inside the house, and the last time we saw her, she was crying," Emily says.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Ella tells Sean in a sharp voice. She spins around and starts walking back up the small steps, but I stop her. I want an excuse to be with Hanna again and I have this need to protect her at all costs.

"I'll talk to her, you just stay put."

She grins at me. "Go ahead."

I put on my shirt and hang my towel over my shoulders. I walk in the house and find Hanna on the stairs by the foyer. She has her elbows on her knees and she's burying her face in her hands so her fingers cover her eyes.

I put my hands in the pockets of my swim trunks and sigh loudly. "Hanna…I won't ask you what's wrong, because that'd be a stupid question…I just wanted to let you know that Sean was incredibly rude in saying those hurtful things to you. You didn't deserve that."

"I did. He was right…I'm desperate." She scoots over so I take it as an invitation to sit next to her.

"Mind telling me the story behind all this?"

"I tried to hook up with him at the Back to School Bash last Friday, and he rejected me. I wasn't his special someone. Only gross things are attracted to me…like bugs. I'm sorry that I used you to get back at my ex…I wouldn't blame you if you tell me that you didn't appreciate it."

"I get where you're coming from…but would it make you any happier if I told you that I yelled at him and I kicked him?"

"You _what_?" She finally glances up at me all teary-eyed. She gasps. "My God, you took a beating."

"You're welcome," I say sarcastically. "He hit me almost immediately."

"Oh…that explains the black eye...Sean gets angry when people rile him up. I'll get you ice for that…and you've got this…scrape. It's gotta hurt!" She stands up and leads me to the kitchen. She takes ice from the freezer and puts it into a bag. She holds it up to my injured eye and I swear it's like an angel is touching me. "Sorry, I shoulda thanked ya…I just ain't really used to the male species defending me the way you did."

"Yeah, well, it's in my nature to stand up against bullies. I don't accept it when people I care about are being ridiculed." We both take a seat on the couch. "Thanks for being my nurse."

"Anytime."

"Hey...how did you hurt your wrists? I don't mean to be intrusive, but it seems like somebody grabbed you-"

"Yeah, but I fought them off...it was some drunk loser in the street. He kinda just grumbled something at me and walked away." Hanna shrugs.

"Good thing you're okay now."

"Mm-hm."

She sniffles and that's when I realize something's off about her appearance. "Here, let me fix your bikini strap. It's come undone."

"No big deal, I have a shirt on. You won't see nothin'." She puts all of her hair over one shoulder and bends her head down.

The sight of her in just a shirt and a bikini is making me grow bigger down south, but I have to keep myself in control. I'm supposed to be helping her, not getting horny. Her legs are extremely long and toned. I'm sitting next to the most beautiful girl in the world and retying her bikini strap. That's all I'm doing. When I'm finished, I put the ice back to my face and we just relax there in silence. She shivers, so I put my towel over her lap.

"Thanks, Caleb."

"You were getting goosebumps. I figured if you were cold…"

"Yeah, I know."

"What are you kids doing?" Zack asks us gruffly, and I nearly jump out of my skin.

"We were just helping each other," I explain quickly. "I know it looks bad, but I promise…it was nothing. I have to pay you back, don't I?" I chuckle nervously and get the money I owe him. I press it into his hand and follow Ella back inside the house. I start sweating because I'm afraid he knows I have the hots for Hanna.

"You can't be in the house with barely anything on and have this guy in just his swim shorts be sitting on our couch. You guys were too close to each other!" I can hear Zack lecturing Hanna.

"We didn't do nothin' wrong!"

"I don't know him. I don't trust him. Therefore, you are not to be alone in this house with him. He could've taken advantage of you! He might be dangerous!"

Hanna groans and rolls her eyes up to the ceiling. "You are one hundred percent wrong. He ain't like an ax murderer or something."

"Zack, Caleb won't do anything horrible. He's one of my students, and he's a nice young man," Ella assures her husband. She rubs his back in soothing circles.

"Can I hang out with my friends now? I'm feeling a lot better," Hanna says.

"Of course," Ella replies.

I'm about to follow Hanna out of the house, but Zack shakes his head and comes over to where I am. "You listen to me boy, and you listen good and hard. You can't be around her without parental supervision."

"I'm sorry, sir…but you let me go in-"

"Don't get smart with me. _Ella_ allowed you to comfort Hanna; I guess she's fine with you or something. That doesn't make it okay with me, but whatever, I'll let you off with a warning."

"Thank you, sir, it won't happen again," I mutter and then leave the house. Ella goes with me.

When we come back to the pool, I notice that Hanna's still got my towel wrapped around her hips. She beckons me forward, and I come to her. "I'm really sorry about Zack. He gets overprotective. Even though he ain't my biological father, he's the man of the house. I…we…should respect him."

"Ella didn't seem to mind…in fact, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have thought there were rules around here. I don't want any more awkwardness with him, so I think I should leave."

"Oh, no, you don't gotta! Besides, Ella's out here with all of us, so he ain't gonna mind."

"Well, that's a relief, but he makes me nervous."

"I know…try to relax…and just enjoy spending time with all our friends!" She whips off her shirt and runs into the water while giggling like crazy. She makes a big splash and I peel off my shirt while going in after her.

Ella takes pictures of us all having fun and it looks like Sean had left the party, which is great!

When I get back to Lucas' place, I shower. Then, we go to the Brew and who do we see, but my old friends from Ravenswood. They greet me with hugs and I'm so shocked that it takes me a minute to speak.

"Hey…guys…what are you doing here?"

"We wanted to surprise you, man!" Luke says and claps me on the back. "You're hurt!"

"Uhhh…long story."

"I need you to tell me what happened," Lucas says desperately.

"Okay…this dude and I got into a physical confrontation. How was I supposed to know he was violent? He used to date this girl I like."

"Yeah…how are you, besides being in pain?" Remy asks. I don't wince until she mentions it.

Lucas stands behind me and awkwardly shoves his hands in his pockets.

"Uh…I'm alright. I haven't seen you guys in forever!"

"What have you been doing all year?" Olivia asks.

Lucas and I sit down with the group. "Walking around homeless…then Lucas over here took me in on Friday. I just came back from a pool party at my friend's house. What have I missed, what stories do you all have to tell me?"

"You know how Rochelle and Raymond didn't really like each other?" Luke starts out. "Well, now they're married. They've adopted Olivia and me. We're brother and sister, and Remy is my girlfriend now. She got adopted as well."

"Oh, wow! Congratulations!"

"What about you, Caleb?" Remy wants to know.

"I've made plenty of friends here in Rosewood."

"Tell them about Hanna!" Lucas cuts in.

"Dude!"

"Who is she, your new girlfriend?" Olivia asks.

"He wishes!"

"Lucas, will you let me answer?"

The others laugh, and I lightly hit Lucas in the chest. "She's just a friend of mine. I like her more than that, though…I'm hoping we'll get closer as time passes. I saw her at the pool party today…I think we should all get together and hang out. You guys should meet my Rosewood pals. You'd love them!"

"We could go to the movies," Remy suggests. "We're all staying at a hotel and maybe we could visit your school."

"Sure, that would be awesome," I say.

We get coffee and some treats and then the girls go back to their hotel while Luke comes with Lucas and me to Lucas' house.

On Monday morning, my visitors stay in the library while Lucas and I go to school. At lunchtime, I see Hanna walking around alone. She looks a little tired, but she's still smiling. I'm sitting with Lucas and my Ravenswood buddies. "Hanna!" I call out to her. "Why don't you join us?"

She nods and comes over. "Of course!"

"Guys, this is Hanna, by the way. You already know Lucas, but these are my friends from Ravenswood…Luke, his sister Olivia, and his girlfriend Remy."

Hanna waves at them shyly and they grin at her. "Hi, y'all."

"Hey," they respond in unison.

"My ex boyfriend was a liar and a complete asshole," Olivia says, referring to Dillon from the orphanage.

"What? I thought he was a nice guy," I say to her in a hushed voice.

"It turns out he killed mine and Luke's dad," Olivia whispers to me.

"Hope he's jailbait," I mutter.

"He is."

"Hey...how did y'all meet? I saw Caleb for the first time at Ella's wedding. She's Aria's mom," Hanna interrupts us.

"You know, we all used to be homeless," Remy says.

"Yeah, me too!" Hanna chimes in.

"Actually, we weren't exactly homeless, we were orphans. We lived with our caretakers," Luke informs her, and as the three of them talk about their experiences, my mind goes back to more adventures there.

_"Wow," Raymond sighs. "Sexy."_

_"What?" Luke asks. "Did he just call the woman he hates sexy?"_

_"No, no, she's a bitch-a sexy bitch. She looks good but she's bad deep down inside," he explains, patting his heart._

_"You swore!" Robbie and Jack scream._

_"Sorry! Didn't mean for you to hear that, I thought I had a soft voice." He pats their heads lovingly. "Now, she's talking to a blonde girl and patting her stomach. Is that girl sick?"_

_I grab the binoculars and peer into them. "She doesn't look sick, but-oh my God! She's pregnant, I just saw her lift up her sweatshirt and show Rochelle!"_

_"Aw, that just kills it," Luke teases me._

_"Rochelle's still hot," Raymond moans, hitting the back of Luke's head. "That girl is linking arms with Rochelle, and the girls have now left the kitchen."_

_I look out the window and saw them all walking down the sidewalk on the other side of the street and yelled for the guys to put the binoculars down._

_"They've left, there's nothing more to see there."_

_"So…I was thinking of taking you boys out like Rochelle's taking the girls out! Why don't we go to a basketball game?" Raymond offers. He holds up a bunch of tickets and we cheer and grab them._

_The game is awesome, and when we come home, we do some exercises just in case the girls are watching us. After dinner, we watch a hilarious Adam Sandler movie, and the little guys watch Aladdin. I heard that those guys all lost their parents on the same night, Back to School Night at their elementary school, there was a bomb that killed all their parents. They never even got to say goodbye, poor guys. We're lucky because we hate our parents, and Benjamin lost his parents when he barely knew them, at the ripe age of three. Dillon taught them school and he graduated already, so he was a great helper to Raymond. Dillon's parents were killed because their car ran into a tree and they died from it. It happened last month, and he is upset about it, but Raymond is a great friend to him and that eased the pain. Dillon and Raymond sleep in a room with the little boys in case anyone gets nightmares. There are only two little ones now, because the family who came wanted seven little boys because the mother had lost her sons, one being a baby, and the others being about eight or nine, and another was a teenager who texted while driving with a bunch of his friends in his car. The parents of that poor family want to start over with kids because they want to make sure they didn't do things their teen did. So we just take care of Jack, who's eleven and Robbie, who's nine. They sometimes get nightmares, but it is rare._

Hanna looks interested. "That's really sweet," she comments. "Wait, there was a rivalry?"

"Yeah, it's funny, because now, they're married!" Remy says.

"How the hell did that happen?" Hanna asks.

"That hasn't come yet. Let me tell you the rest," I say. "Raymond's school was awesome! He taught us four boys high school, like English, Spanish, Photoshop, cooking, and money-managing skills, stuff we'd need to know later on in life. We didn't have to do math because we knew basic math and that's all you needed for life, and we didn't have to know science or history, so we were set. Every day for two hours, ten until twelve, he taught us useful information, and the Photoshop and cooking classes were fun. Watching the girls sleep through the binoculars was fun, but it was sort of hard to see because it was dark. We fantasized about those girls and dreamed of marrying them, but decided it was an outrageous thought because they probably hated us."

"I still cannot believe you guys were peeping toms!" Hanna exclaims. "Ew."

"Did you see them naked?" Lucas hisses at me, and I shake my head no.

"Don't worry, we stared at them through binoculars, too. We were all fully clothed," Olivia says, and the group laughs.

"During that first week, we had a blast, because it was just like camp…or home. Raymond always talked to us about life and he played baseball with us sometimes. Mostly, he was the umpire, and rarely, he was on the phone taking calls for people who wanted to adopt. Luke and me were like brothers already because we laughed so much together and developed a strong bond, and we decided to make a pact, that if one of us gets adopted, we'd all get adopted by the same person. But we didn't want to leave Raymond because he was such a dad to us, a nice, calm, patient, understanding dad. He had the talk with Robbie and Jack and although they complained, they were glad we didn't give them the talk. The other little ones got adopted before they were old enough to get the talk. We boys listened in, because our dads never gave us the talk. All my dad told me was 'all girls are like your mother, crazy and stupid.'"

"My dad told me that all girls were sluts like my mother. It was the worst sex talk in the history of the world," Luke adds on to my comment.

_We really got along with each other and with Raymond. Dillon borrows our binoculars and spies on a girl with short blonde hair and bangs who was in Rochelle's room helping her with the little girls, and Benjamin takes a turn, and he takes a claim to the one with brown hair and glasses. One night, I decide to watch the angel sleep. I decide to call her Sleeping Beauty because I love the way her brown hair fell over her face and the way her eyes were closed and her lips…man, how I want to touch them. Just then, she jerks violently in her bed and starts to cry and scream. I can hear it a little bit. Maybe she's having a nightmare, poor girl. I want to be the one comforting her like Rochelle was doing._

_"Go to sleep!" Luke whispers to me._

_"I'm watching over an angel," I whisper back, and he laughed silently._

_The next day, Raymond tells us a surprise, that he's taking us to an island on the bus, and we pray to God that the girls aren't using the bus. We would go the second week, and we were so excited._

_I love this place. Everyone hates alcohol and drugs, and I am away from alcohol and drugs for the first time, and I don't see one ho in that girls' home. The girl I watched was small, and pixie-like in the extremes and she's very adorable. I want to hug her and kiss her, but I knew she probably doesn't like me in that way. She is supposed to hate me because it is girls versus. boys. I like her spiky black hair and the way she dressed. It looked like she had a lot of money, because she dresses in the hottest outfits with earrings, diamond earrings, and gold and silver necklaces, and she even has a laptop and an iPod. I wonder how a rich girl ended up being in an orphanage. _Couldn't she have bought her own house?_ Well, she is underage, so maybe not. She looks like she could be a freshman in high school, or even a sophomore. Luke said the reading girl looked young in the face, about my pixie's age. _God, I was already calling her mine. I didn't even know her name! But I knew I was falling head over heels for her_. She seems so happy in that place, always dancing. The others seemed moody at first, but they appeared to laugh like the pixie later on. She's probably their sun, and since I used to be depressed, I wish I knew her because then she could brighten up my day, but maybe not. She'd probably think I'm just as weird as the other girls did. I noticed that she only owned one bright sexy top, and the rest of her clothes are all black. I wonder why, and laugh at the thought that my clothes are also all black and some gray and brown. Why would such a sunny girl have dark clothes and only own one bright piece of clothing? I watch her coming back into her room with shopping bags, and bright clothes spilled out on her bed, and the two girls in the room laughed._

_"I wanna meet her." I sigh._

_"Tell me about it. I'm dying to meet that sexy brunette."_

"Do these kids you all were staring at have names?" Hanna asks.

"Dillon the creep, who I didn't know was a creep," Olivia says.

"Been there, done that," Hanna responds.

Luke and Remy point at each other and laugh.

"Wait...you two connected just by peering through binoculars?" Hanna wants to know.

"Yes," they say in unison.

"What about you, Caleb?" Hanna asks. "Did you ever meet that girl you liked?"

"I did," I tell her in a tight voice. "She was my girlfriend."

"Oh...I'm sorry it didn't work out." She scrunches her cute little nose.

"It's alright." She must notice the somber expressions on mine, Luke's, Remy's, and Olivia's faces, because she gets a worried look on her face.

"What happened? You don't have to tell me...or us...if you don't want to."

"Thank you," I reply.

Hanna interrupts the awkward silence by suggesting we all go see a movie on Friday, and of course everyone is excitedly agreeing. I wish I could spend time alone with Hanna so I could talk to her about Miranda. It may actually help me with my grief, and something about her makes me feel like everything's gonna be okay.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing, nico229, XxScarredAngelxX, xxdare2dreamxx1! I'm ****loving your support! It motivates me a lot! xoxo**

**btw...I'm looking for a beta, if anyone's interested! Content, realistic-ness, not making any damsels in distress characters, and wording is what I need help on!**


	5. Life's a Rose Both Beautiful and Thorny

**Thank you for beta'ing, nico229!**

After lunch, I'm at dance practice. The teacher has all thirty of us girls and a few boys sit on the floor in a circle.

"Welcome to dance class. I'd like you guys to tell me your life story and make me feel that raw emotion you're trying to convey...through movements and facial expressions, not words. Think of it like a ballet...how many of you have seen a ballet?"

Several of the students raise their hands, but not me.

"Interesting. Who would like to start?"

A tall girl with long, curly, reddish-brown hair stands up and dances around the room with a smile on her face. She picks an upbeat song. She's lucky. I go out after half the class has finished their small routines.

Being in front of these people makes me a little nervous because I don't know them at all. I ask the teacher to put on some somber music.

I close my eyes and think of everything that's happened in my life so far. I take a deep breath and blow it out.

"Hanna, are you ready to begin?"

"Yes." I do my dance routine and I let my body express everything that I've been through so far. My mother being away, my foster parents abusing me, being called hefty and going to fat camp. Finally reaching a safe place and yet gaining Zack's attention. I stop when the music ends and look around

For a minute, there's silence. Then, there's clapping and it doesn't seem to stop.

"Either you're a great actress or your life really sucks," the girl on my right whispers to me.

I grit my teeth. "I ain't tellin you nothin'."

She looks uncomfortable. "Okay, sorry, I don't need to know your secrets."

"You're damn right."

"Hanna, congratulations, that was...that was really beautiful."

I purse my lips and tilt my head to one side. "Thank you."

We learn some cool new moves and do some exercises in our warmups. We partner up and I pray that I don't get a nosy bitch. We do a mirror activity, where we copy exactly what the other person is doing. It's pretty fun.

As soon as I come out of class, Sean marches up to me. "What do you want?" I ask him with a bored tone to my voice.

"Hanna...Aria just ended things...I went to pick her up from her martial arts class and I saw her locking lips with her instructor. She really loves authority figures!"

"Yeah...so?"

"So...I was wondering if we could date again. We can start all over, Hanna Banana." He holds me by my upper arms and tries to kiss me, but I push him away. I start rolling my eyes and laughing in his face. I don't want him anymore.

"I cannot believe you! I'm so over you...you want me back just because Aria dumped your sorry ass-"

"Watch your language, Han-"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm in no mood for your religious freak talk, which is totally bogus, by the way. You made it clear that you weren't interested in me, or sex, and that's fine. You lied to me...and you know...this is whatbeing greedy gets you? You had a girl...she didn't work out for you...so you picked another one...and she got away from you, too."

"We could fix this...you could take speech lessons...and learn some etiquette-"

"Goodbye, asshole," I grumble as I walk away from him.

I then make a beeline for Ella's classroom where she's packing up, because school is officially over. I've made it through another day. She looks up at me when I come in.

"Hanna, what's wrong, sweetie?" She shuffles some papers and sets them down.

I twiddle my thumbs and play with the straps of my silver purse as I sit on a desk. I shake my head. "I'm just pissed off. Nothing unusual. Too many stupid people. My ex...acting like a huge jerk."

"I get it...I've experienced that...heartbreak. Ignore that boy. He's not even worth your time."

"Um...can you also teach me how to drive?" I ask her shyly. "I'm sure you're very busy with grading papers and Zack's got a heavy schedule, too. I mean...any of my friends can give me rides...but I wanna be independent."

"I understand the feeling. How about we work on driving a little each day?"

"Sure."

Ella takes me to an empty parking lot near the school and we switch seats. I'm now sitting behind the wheel and she tells me to ease my foot on the gas pedal and go very slow. It's harder than it sounds, because once I start moving, I feel like I'm going too fast, and I slam on the brakes. Ella screams, and I apologize.

"I think you gotta hire me a driving instructor. Your own lesson is making you nervous."

She collects her breath. "I will. Try again, and this time, don't come to a sudden stop. Just coast along and gradually step on the brake."

I nod and do a bit better. I know I still gotta practice a lot more. "I just wanna be able to drive like everyone else."

"I know."

We get home at around five, and Ella takes us out for burritos. She helps me with my homework, and I notice that she's so much more patient with me than Mona ever was. She corrects me gently without rolling her eyes or making _tsking_ noises. She explains things clearly and I love her for it.

At eleven, I drop into bed. My new girlfriends and I have already exchanged phone numbers. I read a text from Emily that says we're gonna meet in the courtyard every morning before school, and I'm cool with that. Like all the nights before, Ella and I have a last talk before I go to sleep.

"What did you do at school today? I already know about the bad things that happened, but was there anything good?"

"Caleb asked me if I could sit with him, Lucas, and some other friends of Caleb's from Ravenswood, for lunch. He...they told us all about their lives in an orphanage. They seem like a cool bunch of kids. We all had the best conversation ever. Also...dance class was pretty interesting!"

"Well, that's nice!"

"Yeah...I wanna open up like they did. I just don't have the courage to do it in public...I would have to repeat the same story I told you, at say, a sleepover or something."

"How about this. When I was your age, my friends and I would sit in one of our bedrooms and we'd go in a circle as we told our juicy secrets. Nobody would go without spilling something. That way, everyone was comfortable and it was a way to connect."

"Oh yeah, we could do that...but my secrets are a lot...darker than theirs."

"How do you know? You don't, until you find out. Start with the littlest things and then gradually move into bigger ones."

"That sounds fun!"

"So...if you could pick any boy at school to go out with, who would it be?" Her tone is light and teenagerish. I wonder why she's asking me this.

"Caleb," is the first name that pops out of my mouth. "He's easy on the eyes." I cover my face because I'm so embarrassed. "I can't believe I just said that in front of you!"

"No, it's okay to swoon over a guy. I won't say anything to him, I promise. Anyway, I was just teasing you. You didn't actually have to tell me."

"Oh well, the joke's on you, Ella, so _ha_! I'm not swooning! I don't even like him like that...he would make some other girl very happy, though."

"You're blushing, girlfriend!"

I grab a pillow and hit her with it. "Ella!" I complain, but she's making me giggle. She's one of those women over thirty who knows how to have fun.

"Hey, no pillow fighting with the pregnant lady." She tries to look stern, but I can see through her. She's not mad at me, but she has a point. I put the pillow down.

"It's your fault," I say. I hear the door opening and then closing, and my playful mood is gone. "I need to get some sleep. Good night!"

"Night, sweetie."

I cross my fingers that Zack doesn't bother me, and it works. Ella's got him plenty distracted.

On Tuesday morning, I wake up feeling refreshed. I spend a little extra time showering,and once I got out I put on a purple summer dress and gold flip flops. My hair is curled and I'm wearing dangly earrings. Zack has left for work already to my pleasant surprise, and Ella drives us to school.

"Well?" I ask her. "Do I look okay?"

"You're very pretty," she compliments me.

"Thank you!" I'm hoping Caleb will think so, too. I meet up with my girls in the courtyard. They all give me hugs.

"Hey...where's Caleb?" I ask them ever so casually. I don't wanna sound too eager.

"He and the others should be here soon," Aria says. "So...how's life with my mom and Zack?"

"Oh, it's terrific!"

"Boo!" someone shouts and I scream. It's just Caleb, so I give him a small shove. He's laughing. "Sorry about that. I wanted to sneak up on you. I didn't mean to really scare you."

"It's okay. Friends can play around like that."

"Yeah, that's true."

He puts his hands in his pockets. "So...what's up?"

"Eh, nothin' much, just hanging out with the girls before school starts."

He winks at me and it makes me weak in the knees. "I saw you in dance class yesterday. I wanted to say hello, but I didn't want to get in trouble for interrupting or being late for my own class."

"Oh, well. What did you think?"

"You've got some serious moves. Hey...we should get each other's phone number."

"Yeah," I agree. He hands me his phone and I give him mine. His fingers are swift over the keypad of my phone and I hurriedly punch in my number on his.

"Now we can text."

"Yep!"

The day I can finally see my mom has arrived! Ella brings me to the jail when school's over. I remember her red hair, her blue eyes, and her tall and lean figure. Only she ain't that lean no more...or tall. She looks a little gaunt and shrunken down, like she's too small for her body. She gets this faraway look in her eyes .

"Mom...it's me...Hanna," I tell her quietly. I'm afraid if I talk any louder, my voice might break and then I ain't gonna be able to speak at all no more. "They hurtin' you here?"

"No, I just don't get fed enough...and I drink water. Where have you been all this time, baby? You must be sixteen by now, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm glad Ella's keeping you updated. I'm so sorry I haven't come in to see you...my previous foster parents were...nasty." They'd always call my mom a piece of white trash, or as Jessica DiLaurentis so nicely put it, 'a mistake in society' and 'an improper role model for her daughter'.

"I thought you would've stayed with your father."

"Nah...I dunno what happened to him. He ain't never contacted me before. Hey...I can't read...can you tell me what this letter says? I wanna be able to, but nobody cared enough to read it to me. I know you're in here because you were protecting me...but I'm in high school now, so I really gotta know what you did and why. I'm old enough to understand."

In my bag, which doesn't hold much, there is a folded up note, and it's aged. A picture of a red-haired woman is pasted on the letter. She looks slightly younger than the one sitting directly in front of me. I place it on the table and my mom and I both look at it. She speaks while pointing to each word.

"My baby girl Hanna...when you are old enough to read, you will understand this. You're probably seven or eight now, and I need you to know this. I was arrested because I killed a cop who was touching you inappropriately when you were five years old."

"Someone molested me, didn't they?" _No wonder why I triggered when Zack flirted with me!_

"It was for your own protection, honey. Your dad left me and he's never come to see me. I hope whoever adopted you, maybe your dad, is taking good care of you and I hope you are having a wonderful life. I hope to see you sometime. Come visit me in jail as soon as you can! That's my picture that you're seeing."

I gulp when I look up at my mom. Her voice is breaking and she's now reading the letter through her tears. I could picture her writing it from a jail cell and hoping someone will give it to her little girl.

"Oh, Mom..."

"I love you, my darling sweetie pie. Your mom, Ashley Marin."

I wipe tears from my own eyes and try to give her a hug, but some stupid man yells, "No physical contact!"

"She ain't a psychopath!" I shout back at him.

"That's my daughter!" Mom adds.

"I don't care, she'll get herself kicked out!"

"I wanna hug her!" I cry to Ella.

"I know, sweetheart." Ella wraps her arm around me, but I pout and pull away from her.

Mom asks me if kids in school are being nice and if I have a boyfriend.

"Yes...and no. I have some friends and there is this guy I like, but I don't know if he feels the same way."

"I'm sure he does."

"The session is over," an idiot interrupts us. My mom gets the same look on her face that she had just before she saw me at first.

"Oh...well, bye..." I say. "I love you!"

"I love you, too! See you next week!"

I laugh like a little and then Ella and I go home.

It's not til Thursday after school that Ella tells me she's got back to school night. I realize what that means and start hyperventilating. "You ain't gonna be here to tuck me in tonight!"

"Hanna, I'll only be gone until ten. You'll probably still be up, won't you?"

"I-I don't know! I ain't never stayed in the dark alone!"

"Who says all the lights have to be off? You can stay up until I get home."

"Can't I just go with you?" I beg her desperately.

"Usually, the students don't go...but this time, it's okay."

My heart's beating real fast, and I try to slow it down. Everything's gonna be okay now that I'll be with Ella.

When we get home from Back to School Night, Zack is just pulling into the driveway. I go to bed and when I hear him walking upstairs, my involuntary reaction is to give Ella a bear hug and a light kiss on her cheek.

"Oh!" She looks surprised, yet happy. "What was that for?"

"I dunno...for being you, I guess."

"Well, thank you, honey."

Zack appears behind his wife and I snuggle further into the sheets so only my eyes and a bit of my mouth are peeking out. He blows me a kiss and I feel a shiver go up my spine. I feel so uneasy when he flicks his tongue in and out of his mouth.

"Can I say good night to Hanna?"

Ella visibly jumps. "Oh, you scared me," she laughs, putting her hand to her heart. "Yeah, sure." Stroking my hair back from my forehead, she stands up, gives me one last kiss on the cheek, and pats her husband's back to give him permission to sit on the side of my bed.

"Hanna…" Zack sighs and sits on the bed. It creaks under his weight. "You're such a nice young lady…whoever had you before must have raised you well."

"Yeah."

"How do you feel calling me 'daddy', huh?"

My eyes follow his hand as it goes to my hair. "S-sure…that's okay with me…" My voice is muffled under the thick blanket.

"Why so nervous, sweet one?"

"I-I don't know, I'm sorry, sir…"

He's sniffing me like an animal. I feel his fingers brush through my hair like a comb, over and over again. His thumb touches my cheek ever so slightly and I inch myself further downwards.

"Are you playing a game with me, dearie?" he chuckles. "You're so adorable when you're shy. Come out, come out, wherever you are."

I gulp, roll over, hug my knees to my chest, and squeeze my eyes shut. Once he realizes I'm sleeping, he'll go away. "Good night, sir…" I mumble weakly. "Ella wants you."

"She didn't call me…she wants me to bond with you, little lady."

_She meant talk to me, not touch my hair or my face!_

You're a fine young lady, aren't you?"

I keep my eyes down. "Mmm-hmm." I have a bad feeling in my stomach, like I'm about to throw up. Why can't I yell for Ella? Why am I so stupid?

He continues staring at me, his eyes exploring every inch of my body. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. "Why didn't you put lotion on my back, huh? You've avoided eye contact with me ever since the pool party! How could you let a teenage boy come into our house when you were crying, but you wouldn't let me comfort you? I just don't get it!"

"Um...you were tryin' to take off my bikini top. I ain't never saw you cuz you always at work."

"Yeah, well, that needs to change, don't you think?"

**warning: this part may be traumatizing*******

"I-I'm sorry, I have to get out of here." I throw my covers off and try to leave my bed, but he slams me down in my spot and leaps over the top of me.

He lands on the other side of my bed, lays me across him and begins to trace his thumb around my lips. I feel so scared.

"You are staying in this bed until tomorrow morning." With that, he grips my wrists and yet more bruises form. I gasp in pain. There's no way out now. He has me trapped.

"But what about Ella? She'll be mad about this."

"No she won't. She just thinks I'm saying good night. It's getting hot in here." He starts undoing his pants and I will myself not to touch him.

"You just met me."

My fears are confirmed as he commands, "Take your jammies off." He pulls off his boxers and kicks them to the side of the room.

I prepare some self-defense moves on him. "No," I say firmly.

He comes at me so fast I don't have time to think. He throws me on my bed and abruptly takes down my pants and rips my shirt off my head. Then, he pins my arms above my head, and jumps on top of me.

"Please don't do this," I beg.

"Open your legs, or do I have to force them open myself?"

I clamp them shut, but he stretches them wide apart until I let out a small cry. His dick rams straight into my vagina. It's way too big, and it hurts more than disgusts me. His hands are on my breasts as he pushes up and down, going into my private area over and over again, grunting as he did so. He keeps moaning my name to himself while I cry, "Stop it, please..." as loud as I can. My voice is way too faint. I barely make a peep, so Ella doesn't know about any of this. "Please lemme go! Don't touch me no more!"

His hands tighten around my waist. "No. I love you and I want to make you mine." He bends down to my neck and starts biting it. I try to jerk him off, but he won't move. He forces his tongue in my mouth. He unbuttons his shirt and I cover my eyes. He throws it at me and I push it away. Now, he's fully naked and I really can't get him off me. He's crushing me and yanking on my hair and I can't breathe.

"Come on, Hannie, put your hips closer to mine," he says while pushing my hips up to his faster and faster. He smacks me across the face when I whimper, so I decide to keep my mouth shut. "You fuckin' good for nothin' slut," he groans. "You don't do anything! I have to do all the work. Now, cum in my mouth, goddamnit!"

"I can't! I'm not attracted to you! My body knows that!"

"Maybe this will turn you on, then," He fondles my breasts, but just as I expect, I don't cum. He kisses my nipples and continues to stroke them, getting more rough as he did so. Then, he puts his lips to my neck and runs his teeth down it yet again. That will probably leave a mark. My arms are bruised where he held me too tight. He gags me with his stick and I spit out the white sticky shit.

"I'm cumming, whether you like it or not, sweet cheeks," Then, he pinches my cheeks so hard that I whimper in pain.

"This is illegal." Once I mumble that, he backhands me across the face again and then on my butt.

"Do you think I really care? You're just a wimp who won't embrace sex!"

I don't answer him but I just shake my head and endure the pain. I keep quiet so he'll stop hurting me. The abuse continues as I sob my heart out.

***it's now over***

The monster licks his lips when he finishes torturing me. "Alright, you nasty whore, I'm done. Ella was in here for five minutes talking to you, and I set my phone for that amount of time. She's probably expecting me back." He casually picks his clothes up, puts his boxers back on, and saunters out of my room. "Sweet dreams, Hanna. Oh, Ella, are you ready for some fun, babe?"

Tears are still streaming down my cheeks as I crawl over to my bedroom door to close it. I'm so dirty right now and I want to take a bath. I hear Ella and _him _giggling and then I think of her having the devil's spawn two months from now. _Only...she doesn't know that, _I remind myself. _Maybe it'll be born with horns and a tail...what if _I_ give birth to a...no, children are not born evil! _Ella screams, "Ahhhh!" She is extremely loud and really...enjoying herself. Then he goes, "Yeah, there's my good girl! God, you're smokin' hot!" _That cheating, lying, disgusting pig...not to mention, a total creep!_

I gather my clothes, throw them in my laundry basket, grab a new pajama set, and sprint to my personal bathroom as fast as I can. I get inside the tub and fill it almost to the top with warm, soapy water. I sit against the back of it and hug my knees to my chest for a while. I use a loofah and tons of Dove soap as I scrub harder and harder. My skin's turning red and raw from all the heavy washing I'm doing, but at least I'm getting _him _off of me. I lather my hair with shampoo and conditioner and then dunk myself all the way in the water. I expect to feel clean by now, but I don't, not really. I'm done, and I unplug the drain. I dry myself off with a towel and get into my new pajamas. I slowly and unsteadily walk to my mirror and lean against the sink's edge. I look so pale and my eyes are bloodshot. I practice what I'm gonna say to Aria, who I hope will then tell Ella. I still look like a mess, with the bruise on my cheek. I make sure my hair hides it.

"Zack raped me," I say quietly to my disheveled reflection. That's it. That's all I'm gonna tell her. It's just the basics. I don't plan to go into full detail. I push myself off the sink, jump up and stamp my feet hard on the floor so I can have an excuse for my bruise in case Ella sees it. I'll just tell her I fell.

"Why is the water running?" Ella asks as she comes into the bathroom. She switches it off. "Oh my goodness, Hanna, are you okay? I saw blood on your sheets, so I changed them. What happened to your pajamas?" She helps me stand up. I nod my head yes. "You're really white."

"I get fainting spells...and I guess I forgot to turn off the water...I have bad cramps. I...I wanted to change my clothes because there was a big stain on the inside of my pants and it was bothering me. I was too grossed out, you know? I can't wear the top without the matching bottoms. It's just not fashionably appropriate." I laugh and pat my wet hair.

She seems to believe my story. "Can I get you anything, like Advil? It looks like you landed on your face."

"Oh, yes, please. I have a throbbing headache." It's the truth.

She takes care of me, and I wanna sleep with her tonight because of upcoming nightmares I'm sure I'll have. I then remember that she's with some asshole and once I'm back in my bed, I feel so small. I'm whimpering as she holds me, and I can't help but shake as Zack enters my room again.

"Oh, baby, you just try to relax, okay?" she says to me quietly.

"What happened, girls?"

"It's personal...women issues," Ella answers him. "I'll be in soon."

"Sorry, I'm taking up all your time..."

"It's okay, Hanna."

I lie down and close my eyes. Of course I have flashbacks, but I blame it on my times in my old foster homes and remembering the bad guy from when I was little.

Friday's picture day, and I look terrible. I do my hair as best as I can and my makeup is good at hiding my injuries. The only thing that's making me smile for the professional photo is the fact that I have people who look out for me.

I stay away from Aria as much as possible, because she's so cheerful, and it makes me back out of telling her about her ugly stepfather. I can't say anything to her when she's in a bad mood either, because that's just kicking her when she's down. I gotta wait til she ain't laughing or depressed. That means somewhere in the middle-neutral. It would also be easier if the two of us were alone someplace, which ain't never gonna happen in a million years.

**I would appreciate some reviews, so I can see how I'm doing! Thank you!**


End file.
